Month: June 2013

The Cowboy Mustache

General Ambrose Burnside had a very manly chin,
But with his sideburns joined up ‘neath his nostrils,
It’s a fail, not a win
Tom Selleck came close, with his thick detective ‘stache,
But Magnum PIs baseball cap just wasn’t a match
ZZTop, Chuck Norris and Dan Haggerty too
All had manly beards, mustaches… part two
There’s the walrus, the Hungarian and the Fu Manchu
The English, the Dali, the Mustachio too
The Handlebar, the Chevron, and the rare Golden Shrew
The Toothbrush that Chaplin and Hitler wore, the Rusty Horseshoe
For a real cowboy mustache we must look different places
They don’t need a horse, but they need different faces
Mark Twain had a good one, as did President Ted
Sam Elliot, Rollie Fingers and Wyatt Earp (He’s dead)
A good cowboy mustache must be thick, dark and heavy
It’s got to catch most of the food he’s eatin’, especially the gravy
It’s important to him in matters of matin’
It’s got to tickle the lips of the damsels he’s datin’
It must look good in bib overalls, a tuxedo or a suit
With a bolo tie, a crisp white hat or when even when playing a flute.
It should smell like a yellow rose, and be softer than barbed wire
But tough enough fend off a spark from a wild prairie fire.
It must be kept clean, and trimmed up nice, even and tight
It must cover a fat lip you got in a bar fight from last night
Yup, only a cowboy can wear such face hair
The only alternative?
His upper lip bare.