Month: December 2009

The downhill push

POSTED BY ON SAT, NOV 28, 2009 AT 9:25 AM

So we’re off to the races with the finish line being Christmas. The propoganda of a new economy rising from the ashes just might inspire many of us to sink deeper into credit card debt, but I’m not buying it. I’m still slowly spiraling downward into financial hell and I don’t see any kind of lifeline being thrown the little liferafts like me. The only ships being saved are the supertankers.

I didn’t buy a single thing on Buy Nothing Day (the Friday after Thanksgiving also known as Black Friday). I didn’t have any money to buy it with. I’m seriously thinking that this year’s Christmas I’ll only give my love and respect. It’s the thought that counts right?

I like what Justin twitter’s his father says on “Shit My Dad Says”. Pop rails, “”Everybody’s broke, so here’s the rule for Christmas this year; if you still shit your pants, you get a present. Otherwise tough shit.”

Another birthday come and gone

POSTED BY ON FRI, DEC 11, 2009 AT 8:54 AM

These days, with Facebook, Myspace and other social networking sites, even if one has sunk into a vegetative state, we can still be reminded of our birthday. We are reminded of all our internet “friend’s” birthdays too.

Yesterday, I was feeling low and actually trolled for birthday wishes on Facebook in addition to the reminders that went out automatically. It’s kind of like self-affirmations in the mirror. “I hear it’s your birthday. It’s my birthday too. You look good for 42 years. There’s mileage on the chassy and the mpg is dwindling, but you still run. Count your blessings.”

So yesterday, friends, former coworkers, distant cousins, high school friends who have reconnected through the magic of Facebook and others wished me a happy birthday. My own spawn, however, didn’t until I reminded them. That’s sad.

A ho in one

POSTED BY ON MON, DEC 7, 2009 AT 8:33 PM

OK, since everyone else is doing it I think I must break my silence too. I’m one of Tiger Woods’ mistresses. I couldn’t let all those other hos nab the spotlight. I need my fame too. I deserve it. I worked hard for that title. Besides, he told me I was the only one. What happened to loyalty?

I have the text messages to prove it. I’m not proud of our tryst, after all, he is a married man, but maybe not for long. We met in an airport bar, one of many on the PGA circuit. He bought me a drink, a Rob Roy if memory serves. We talked about drivers, and balls, and his wife’s explosive temper. Then he put his hand on my knee. The rest is history.

I am now entertaining offers from InTouch, Star and the National Enquirer for my story and pictures. You’ll have to see who wins the bidding war. It should be out in a week. Besides, I feel like now is the time to cash in on this travesty.

Throw away your cable

POSTED BY ON SUN, DEC 6, 2009 AT 10:13 AM

I recently reactivated my Netflix account and discovered that the online downloading of movies is working for Macs now. I had cancelled my membership to save a little money a the time, and because I had cable I didn’t see much need for it.

My cable watching habits were simple when I judiciously used the DVR. My regular haunts were The Daily Show, Colbert Report, Storm Chasers, various ghost hunting shows, Discovery Channel, National Geographic Channel, and a smattering of UFO and monster hunting shows. And sometimes the various Stargate spinoffs were viewed with a bag of Cheetoes and a glass of whiskey. Yes, I’m a media geek. Don’t judge me.

So when we decided to wean ourselves from Television programming and revert to only watching movies I was pleasantly surprised to find that Netflix had gotten the instant downloading working for Macs. It probably has been working on Macs for quite some time but sometimes I’m a little slow to the game.

And, searching around I found many of the television series that I used to watch are available for instant downloading through Netflix and other online websites. Not wanting to sound like an advertisement, but when you look at the cost savings, it’s huge.
Instead of paying $80 a month for cable, I’m now paying $14 a month for unlimited downloads (plus DVDs coming in the mail). And if I want to watch the Daily Show or Colbert Report, or Heroes, then all I have to do is use

In a time when everyone is trying to save a little money, we’re saving $66 a month and we’re watching better stuff on TV. That ain’t chump change.

House Guests

POSTED BY ON WED, DEC 2, 2009 AT 8:35 PM

Now that our Thanksgiving house guest has left I can vent. I live in a shared house with kids of my significant girlfriend and my own spawn. Sometimes those multi-genetic spawn invite the spawn of other genes. Most of the time it’s for a sleepover, or in the case of the older spawn, a spontaneous party that sees the light of dawn.

As the oldest spawn has left for the ocean, he has occasionally brings back a friend to spend time when he visits the home stream. Only in this most recent case, it was more like a remora, those fish that catches rides on other fish.

So rather than extoll on the situation that just finished, including 3 a.m. drunken wakeups of the house guest selling Buicks in the bathroom, I will outline the general house rules and dictums that all house guests should follow. Yes, this is a very passive/aggressive approach to communicate with the remora.

1. A house guest should be invited or have permission of the house host. Showing up with the excuse that they have nowhere else to stay is not appropriate.

2. A house guest should bring a present to the house host. It doesn’t have to be a big one. It’s the thought that counts.

3. A house guest should notify the house host of the arrival and departure date before arrival.

4. A house guest should talk to the house host at least once or twice and keep them informed of their anticipated departure date if it should change.

5. A house guest should offer to do dishes, sweep, clean, do laundry or some other chore that can make the house host feel that they are not a burden.

6. A house guest should sit down to any and every meal they are invited to attend that the house host hosts.

7. A house guest should always do the dishes of every meal they eat at the house host’s house.

8. A house guest should offer to purchase food, or even make a meal during their stay.

9. If a house guest gets the bottle flu, they should clean up completely after themselves and give the house host an additional present.

10. A house guest is graciously allowed one or two gratis bath product usages. If the house guest is OCD and/or needs more than this then the house guest should bring his or her own bath products for use.

11. A house guest should always send a thank you note after departure.

While these are general rules, the old adage has more truth than ever. House guests are like fish, after three days they begin to smell.

If you have other house rules for guest, please add them as comments.