Month: October 2009

All bunched up

POSTED BY ON FRI, OCT 30, 2009 AT 6:59 AM

Fall harvest always brings a cornucopia of new foods into my diet. Combined with the fall road trips, hunting trips, fishing trips and upcoming holiday excursions to see family and friends the variety of foods I tend to ingest over the next few months is enormous. While I have always loved traveling and eating foods, my gastronomical tract has not. I tend to get all stopped up. The exact cause is unknown as to whether it is stress, too much lactose, being in a sitting position for too long, or traveling across the magnetic lines of the earth too quickly.
I have always had this issue, even as a young boy. Whenever we went to grandma’s house, somebody on day three or four would clog the toilet. I’m not saying who, but after an hour or two of working out a complex mathematical problem on the throne, the plumbing gods would decide to punish me.
I recall one traumatic incident as a young lad, after not having a BM for the better part of a week, my grandmother introduced me to the joys of the enema, a thrill not shared into my adult life.
When she first mentioned it I thought at first an enema was a new type of pastry she was making especially for the holidays. Her biscuits and dinner rolls were always to die for, especially when grandpa made the butter and molasses mixture to spread on them. I was eager to try her new pastry, the “enema.”
In hindsight (no pun intended), it could have been her biscuits that bunched me up.
My first inkling that something was amiss came when she said it was in the bathroom.
“Why would you bake an enema in the bathroom grandma?”
She thought that was cute and grabbed me by the ear to drag me into the bathroom. Down on the ranch they had well water, and in certain parts of South Texas the water tends to come up with a powerful sulphur smell. To this day I imagine that water coming up from the depths of hell itself, full of fire and brimstone.
“You’re going to stick what where?” I screamed.
There was no escape. She was between the door and me holding a red bag with a tube. She was a large woman and I was just a wee tot at the time. Yep, it was all fire and brimstone and a half gallon of water shooting out of my ass after her part was done. I can’t remember if it fixed my problem at the time but it fixed a memory in my head for life. I still get all bunched up thinking about it.

Hibernation

POSTED BY ON MON, OCT 26, 2009 AT 8:01 PM

It seems I’m getting more and more irritable. I’m eating more. I’m sleeping more. There is less and less sunlight during the day. My bear spirit is coming out and I’m doing my best to get out of bed every day. It’s time for me to hibernate. I think I was a bear in a previous incarnation. But then again, I could be any other number of hibernating reincarnations.
I’ve written about it before, but over the last several years I’ve noticed that I tend to get more depressed in winter. It’s called SAD (Seasonal Affected Disorder) and I think I’ve got it. After a winter in Alaska I definitely believe that lack of the sun is a key element in the moods we have.
Over the years I’ve tried different treatments from full on prescription anti-depressants to homeopathic remedies. I can definitely say that the medical route has worked and the Fruit Loop therapies have not.
So, it may be time to bite the bullet and go see the doctor.
I’m really hoping that the revised health care plan takes care of these issues with our society. Or perhaps they really amp up the drugs in the chemtrails.

Pat’s Thai Kitchen 

I have been eating at a lot of Thai restaurants in the last few months. I’ve redeveloped a craving, certainly a phase in my culinary pursuits, but a worthy one nonetheless. But I flutter around to different restaurants to satisfy my cravings. I like the curries over at that one. The summer rolls I prefer at the one across town. And don’t forget the pad Thai–only the best noodle dish in the entire universe–which I favor at a particular Thai restaurant in town.

So when the chance to visit a new Thai restaurant came up, I took it. “What were they going to be good at?” I wondered. It would take more than one visit to find out. It usually does.

The first occasion was dinner with the spawn. We all shared fried tofu, squid delight (deep fried), pad Thai with chicken and one “special” dish, the sizzling beef. I also ordered a tom ka gai soup, a coconut broth soup with lemon grass, kaffir lime leaves, galanga, mushrooms and chicken. Judging by the speed in which the tofu and squid disappeared I’d say that the kids liked it. They also finished off the pad Thai, which is something they rarely do. I must admit, the pad Thai didn’t blow me away; neither did the sizzling beef. What did impress me was the soup.

So, knowing that the soup was good, I returned the next day for lunch. I brought a friend who was suffering from the first fall sinus icky. My own allergies were kicking into gear and I thought a nice spicy soup could fix what ailed us. She ordered the spicy noodle soup lunch special, and I went with a tom yum goong, a clear and spicy hot soup with shrimp. At either mild, medium or hot, you can raise the temperature of the spice to your liking. I ordered the medium spice not knowing the chef’s own heat index, always a safe bet in a new Asian restaurant.

Both soups were divine. Mine had the right amount of spice and I finished the bowl by lifting it to my lips to get the last drop. However good mine was, hers was better. The spicy noodle soup was in a large bowl and had bean sprouts, cilantro, garlic oil and noodles in addition to spices which included cinnamon and star anise. The spiciness was subtle but crept up on us after several spoonfuls.

With itchy scalps and runny noses, we left satisfied. My recommendation: go for the soup.

–Bingo Barnes wears a coat of many noodles in the winter.